Conscious Parenting for your children and your inner child - Interview with Corilee Fox - The Heart of You with Annette Dalloo

Some of us didn't have parents who were supportive. Some of us did, but maybe there was one moment in your childhood where you created a story that your parents didn't love you.  How do you unravel that story? Was that story even true? 

Then, how do you move forward and raise your own children in a way that allows them to be empowered and have a voice? How do you not repeat the same mistakes your parents made?  Today's episode can give you some answers to these questions. 

Join me in welcoming Corilee Fox for this beautiful conversation on Conscious Parenting. 

Corilee is an Intuitive Coach and Soul Reader as well as the CEO of Up And To The Right Coaching and Consulting. She specialises in supporting clients in their self healing journeys so they can live more expansive, connected lives.  

Website: www.upandtotheright.ca

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@corileeupandtotheright

Instagram: @_upandtotheright_

https://linktr.ee/upandtotheright

https://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703

Transcript

00;00;00;08 - 00;00;17;21
Annette Dalloo
Hello, my name is Annette Dalloo and you are listening to the Heart of You.

00;00;17;24 - 00;00;56;16
Annette Dalloo
If you are interested in working with me in person, you now have the opportunity with Soul Discovery Workshop. We will spend two days discovering your spiritual gifts, unlocking your abilities to channel, to really tap into your intuition, to meet your guides and your angelic team, as well as diving in to the Akashic Records. If you are interested and you are in the Huntington Beach, LA area, or even if you're not and you feel like taking a short trip, please head to my website at Infinite Soul love.com and you can head to the store.

00;00;56;17 - 00;01;29;03
Annette Dalloo
Right there you will find the Soul Discovery Workshop, which is September 16th and 17th, 2023. Hello and welcome back to the Heart of You. Today I have with us Callie Fox, and Callie is an intuitive coach, a soul reader, as well as the CEO of up and to the Right Coaching and Consulting. She specializes in supporting clients in their self-healing journeys so they can live more expansive and connected lives.

00;01;29;08 - 00;02;03;06
Annette Dalloo
And today, we're going to be discussing a couple of different topics. And first and foremost, we're going to talk a little bit about our Re parenting journey for ourselves. Like how do we're parent ourselves in light of, let's say, childhood trauma or childhood challenges that we had with our parents or growing up? And then we're also going to talk a little bit about how you, as a parent, can be conscious, raise your children in a way that helps them grow and potentially allows them to develop their gifts.

00;02;03;12 - 00;02;22;08
Annette Dalloo
Callie, I'd like to welcome you to the show. Thank you so much. I love your podcast, Annette. Happy to be here. Thank you so much. First and foremost, I want you to give a little background about your journey and how you got to where you are now. All right. Okay. Well, it probably goes back to when I was a kid.

00;02;22;08 - 00;02;41;13
Corilee Fox
I was raised in a Pentecostal church, and, you know, we were there four times a week. Mom and dad were deacons and ran the Sunday school and the whole thing. And when the service has got rocking and rolling, as they do in the Pentecostal church, I could feel I could feel the spirit, I could feel the source energy.

00;02;41;15 - 00;02;59;20
Corilee Fox
And I didn't have words for it. I didn't know what was going on, but I was there. And then in my late teens or early 20s, I was kind of done with church. It wasn't aligning with who I was. I didn't want to be in the little box with all the rules. And so I laughed and I kind of threw out the whole God thing, too.

00;02;59;23 - 00;03;19;10
Corilee Fox
Okay. I'd kind of been given a couple of different versions. It was it was confusing. It was like, on the one hand, unconditional love and, you know, always there and you can't lose it. But then there was this also this other God that if you didn't toe the line, bad things could happen to get you back into line.

00;03;19;15 - 00;03;41;19
Corilee Fox
Right? And I look back on it now and I think, you know, the people who gave me that version, the angry God version, were probably trying to protect me and keep me safe. I understand that now. Crime that scared me to death. And so I was like, you know what? I'm done with it. All right. And so then a number of years later, I was going through a dark night of the soul.

00;03;41;19 - 00;04;08;10
Corilee Fox
I moved to a new city with a boyfriend. We'd broken up and I was completely unmoored. I was so lonely, I just I was turning myself inside out and of course, beating myself up about it, too. If I were more social person or doing all the right things, I wouldn't feel this way. And I discovered meditation. I'd go to the Buddhist center once a week for their open meditation, and they would talk about things like life can be hard and you don't need to add the add the suffering.

00;04;08;10 - 00;04;26;11
Corilee Fox
You don't need to say add the resistance and say, you know, I shouldn't be feeling this way and making it even worse for yourself. And so I good for about a day or two. Okay. And then back in May, my thing is, you know, yeah, I had this inkling that, oh, maybe I don't have to feel this way.

00;04;26;13 - 00;04;41;21
Corilee Fox
And then the other thing that happened was I started developing a painful, hip thing, and I thought, I guess I should try this yoga thing. I had tried it once before and thought it was the most boring way someone could spend their time. But I found a more active school of yoga and I was doing it at home.

00;04;41;21 - 00;05;03;14
Corilee Fox
This was before all the studios and the online stuff, and what would happen is I would spend an hour doing all my poses and stuff, and at the end I would be lying on my yoga mat and I would feel that connection again. And this was huge because, you know, I've got serious overthinking brain. Okay. We would actually quiet down a bit.

00;05;03;17 - 00;05;38;09
Corilee Fox
Sure. And when I was a kid and we went through tough times, fight and flight wasn't available to my nervous system, so I froze. I had no needs, no emotions. My body was simply a brain to XY. Yeah. And so yoga completely shifted this. I started feeling some energy move through and started getting connected again. And so I would lie on my back on my yoga mat in Shavasana with, you know, tears rolling down into my ears, feeling that unconditional love that I had been told about in church.

00;05;38;11 - 00;06;11;15
Corilee Fox
Not the angry, cranky God kind of connection, but the unconditional love kind. And then it woke up my intuition and I started hearing, you know, downloads from from my higher self. Right. So during that process of when you were rediscovering that feeling that you had when, when you were at church and then when you were in the yoga studio, did you recognize the similarities between the two experiences and did you recognize that?

00;06;11;22 - 00;06;33;11
Corilee Fox
Oh, okay. This has nothing to do with church and religion. Did you realize that at the time, or did you just sort of go with it? Yes, absolutely. Realized it had nothing to do with the religious structure. Yeah, that was the feeling. This was the feeling that was possible to me. And, you know, and then I discovered it wasn't necessarily yoga related.

00;06;33;11 - 00;06;54;19
Corilee Fox
I could feel it out in nature. I could feel it while I meditated. There were so many paths to it. But yeah, I recognized it from when I was a kid because, you know, as a as I think is the case with all of us, our natural state is to be connected. Right? But things get in the way and and and mess us up and, well, knock us off.

00;06;54;23 - 00;07;28;00
Corilee Fox
Life gets in the way. All of the things. Right. So when did you decide that you were going to explore this further and start to really get into, let's say, the meat of the healing journey? Yeah. Well, I mean, I think it goes back to the meditation thing where I was in such a dark place and I was, you know, having such a tough time, and I was being so, so hard on myself and just understanding that by shifting my perspective.

00;07;28;02 - 00;07;53;17
Corilee Fox
And, you know, I was nowhere near this. But my self-healing journey has been about having some compassion for what I'm going through and having acceptance of what I'm feeling has been such a game changer for me. And so yeah, and so that's what's really made the difference. So what was your process? I mean, aside from the meditation and yoga, what was what was sort of the the next step after that?

00;07;53;19 - 00;08;18;24
Corilee Fox
So I think besides self-compassion and acceptance, I think a really big one was learning how to manage my emotions. And yeah, because we none of us are ever taught and we feel them every day and we either go into suppress, suppress, suppress or be completely overwhelmed by them. Right? So, you know, there's, lots of great techniques for taking the middle ground.

00;08;18;24 - 00;08;37;12
Corilee Fox
I actually have a great guided meditation on my website for free if anyone wants to check it out. It kind of uses the rain method that Tara Brock talks about. But, you know, a real quick way that I found that I love. I had gone to a Reiki session and she was unblocking a brick of emotions in my chest.

00;08;37;19 - 00;08;59;05
Corilee Fox
And as she was doing it, I started feeling, you know, loss and frustration and disappointment. And I was like, wow, where is this coming from? So in the car on the way home, you know, love being in the car where you can talk to yourself. Oh yeah. Yeah. I started, you know, going through the inventory. It's like I feel disappointment because, you know, X hasn't turned out the way I thought it should.

00;08;59;08 - 00;09;28;25
Corilee Fox
And that's okay. I feel frustration that this hasn't, you know, gone the way I thought. And that's okay. And every time I okayed I felt a little layer of relief. Right. Because resistance is such an energy suck, right? Yeah. Oh, 100% pushing it away. This is okay. What's wrong with me that I'm feeling this way? Yeah. And instead, going into acceptance makes me go, oh, and then once we get into that peaceful state, then we can get creative, right?

00;09;28;25 - 00;09;48;11
Annette Dalloo
What can right from these emotions? What are they telling me if I'm angry? Has someone crossed me? Great. Let's use that anger to find a new way to operate in the world and learn how to say no or whatever it is, right? Or is there something I need to honor within myself if I have these emotions stuck in my body, how do I work them out?

00;09;48;11 - 00;10;07;12
Corilee Fox
You know, is this time for a dance party in the living room or getting some energy work done? Or one of my favorites, rage vacuuming, right? I get all the rage I yeah, I get all the yellows out and I get a clean house afterwards. So, you know, I don't think I've ever heard of that before. That is incredible.

00;10;07;12 - 00;10;36;03
Annette Dalloo
I love that rage vacuuming. That's pretty good. A new tool for your toolkit there in it. Yeah. Yeah I, I, I usually when I'm vacuuming I'm, I'm more concerned about my cat freaking out rather than nothing, you know, because cats just they don't like the vacuum. They just don't know. So so you have all these tools now in, in your tool belt, and you are now sharing these tools with others and helping others on their self-healing journey.

00;10;36;08 - 00;11;01;08
Annette Dalloo
Now everybody sort of comes at this in a different way. Everybody has their own way of self-healing. They have their own journeys on the spiritual path. And sometimes people will say, oh, I don't feel like you need to go into the past in order to heal, or I don't think that there is a, a reason to heal or a need to heal because you have to be in the present moment, that kind of thing.

00;11;01;08 - 00;11;23;02
Annette Dalloo
So can you talk to me a little bit about your reasoning and approach for why self-healing is important on the spiritual journey? Well, I think number one is that you're running into it all the time anyways. Yeah. Somebody says something and you automatically go and then go, oh, what did I just say? And now I don't, I have to walk that back or apologize or whatever.

00;11;23;05 - 00;11;45;17
Annette Dalloo
And so when we can get clear on our stories, befriend our emotions and learn how to process all that stuff and understand where we get hooked and where we get blocked, that makes such a huge difference. And you know, the other thing is that, you know, bringing it to the net, soul Akashic level reasoning is that this is our job.

00;11;45;22 - 00;12;15;24
Annette Dalloo
It's our job to work through these lessons. Our soul has decided what it wants to experience and what it wants to work on. And that can actually be a really great way to not take it so personally. It's like, I have an unworthiness wound. It's not pointing to unworthiness, it's just something I need to work on. And yes, I may have had experiences when I was a kid where somebody said, you know, something that made me feel unworthy, but that was what my soul chose for me to go through.

00;12;15;24 - 00;12;35;19
Annette Dalloo
And so it's always an inside job first. Right? So it's not that you're unworthy, but how are you going to work with this? And how are you going to bring yourself back? How are you going to catch yourself when you get lost in that story and say, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not retelling that and looping that in my brain at 3:00 in the morning, I'm going to stop.

00;12;35;21 - 00;12;58;01
Annette Dalloo
You know, another great strategy my friend Lisa Malcolm told me about is stop, drop and roll. So when you find yourself getting stuck or getting lost or feeling overwhelmed, you notice that rather than going, if that person wasn't such a jerk, I would be happier. Or if that situation happened, I'd feel grounded and centered. Instead of doing that, you bring it in.

00;12;58;01 - 00;13;15;14
Annette Dalloo
You stop, drop inside what's going on? Do the work with the emotions I talked about, do the work with the stories. Figure out what your belief is in the situation. And is that really, really true? I don't know what is your pattern, what's what's the place? You get stuck all the time and doesn't to you okay, what else can you do?

00;13;15;14 - 00;13;31;19
Annette Dalloo
What else could you try. What could you test drive this time. You know. And then when you do, when you finish doing the work, how can you roll with it? Yeah, the emotions are here. And once you label them and accept them, then they'll flow and then they'll go, you know, or how can you try something new and check it out?

00;13;31;20 - 00;13;51;08
Annette Dalloo
It doesn't matter what the outcome is. You've tried something. You've taken action. You're not a victim here. You're not lost in what's going on. You have a little bit of control here and that makes such a difference. It really does. And you don't have to worry about missing the opportunity to work on this, because the universe will give you plenty of opportunities to do so.

00;13;51;12 - 00;14;12;15
Annette Dalloo
So you don't have to worry about, oh, I did it wrong this time. Okay. That's okay. You're going to get another chance. So don't worry about that. As we are practitioners and we're helping other people through this journey, I always like to make it very clear that I'm still on my healing journey. There's no I don't really feel like there's a place where you can get that.

00;14;12;15 - 00;14;38;06
Annette Dalloo
You are 100% perfect and everything is great. You know, like it is about, as you said, sort of managing those timeframes and how long it takes. So, you know, maybe five years ago when I was in a particular emotional state or an emotional trigger, it would take, you know, six months to get through that emotion, whereas now it takes, oh, maybe 3 to 5 minutes, depending on the severity, you know, but it's like, oh, I feel an emotion.

00;14;38;06 - 00;14;57;17
Annette Dalloo
Oh, hi. Emotion. Cool. Where are you coming from and why are you here? You know, and it's and it's sort of that, that ability to, to take a look at it and say, oh wait, are you present in this moment? Are you actually real right now? Because if you're not, if you're from ten years ago, you don't need to hang around anymore.

00;14;57;17 - 00;15;18;18
Annette Dalloo
You're cool to go. You can take a break. You can go to Tahiti and have a margarita. Like, you don't have to be here anymore, right? So it's so much about that fear of facing that emotion. And so many people, I think, feel that they are going to die from their emotions. Right. From one perspective, it can have a physical effect on our bodies.

00;15;18;18 - 00;15;45;04
Annette Dalloo
It can have a physical effect on, on us in, in general, as far as our energetic field and everything else. So these, these things are going to pop up regardless of whether you want to or not, whether you want to work on this or not, it's gonna come up if somebody is not in that space of being able to recognize, because it is hard to recognize if you're if you're in it, if you're really in it that that like like you said, the dark night is soul.

00;15;45;04 - 00;16;14;15
Annette Dalloo
When you're in that place, it's really hard to see. What would you recommend for somebody who is in that place of not being able to see, not being able to know what are the next steps to take, right. So what are your suggestions for that? Yeah. I mean, so often it's finding the language for these things. You know, I think that's been behind most of my self-help book reading is somebody tell me what's going on and how do I how do I put words to this?

00;16;14;15 - 00;16;51;07
Annette Dalloo
How do I put language to this? You know, what I read most recently was adult children of emotionally immature parents. And it's not very long. It's like 200 pages, but man, it goes through all the potentials and you can kind of go, oh yeah, that resonates. No, no, that wasn't me. And and actually allow you to recognize it because when we're able to name something or give language to it, it's so powerful because it helps us detach just a little bit rather than this swirling around, I can say, oh yeah, that's X or that's Y, and it gives me just a little bit of control and just a little bit of space.

00;16;51;09 - 00;17;16;02
Annette Dalloo
So that can be really powerful. And there's so many great resources out there. I mean, I follow the holistic psychologist on Instagram and TikTok and you know, she's she's does such a great job of talking about the patterns we can get stuck in and how our nervous system operates. And she tells her own stories and resources like that can be so, so powerful, you know, and also building our own self-awareness, you know, journaling.

00;17;16;02 - 00;17;38;23
Annette Dalloo
And I know people roll their eyes at journaling. It doesn't have to be a book. No voice notes into your phone. It can be bullets into a private document that's password. And so no one ever reads it. And you can, you know, get it all out, even with your stuff, even the unattractive stuff, so that you can go back and go, oh, yeah, this came up a couple of months ago and this is how I handled it.

00;17;38;23 - 00;17;56;05
Annette Dalloo
And so you build your familiarity with it and you build your skill and how to deal with it and how to process it. And that builds your confidence, that builds your resilience and that doing the work helps you feel like, you know what? I got my own back here. I'm not, you know, dependent on everyone else to fix this.

00;17;56;05 - 00;18;23;11
Annette Dalloo
I got my own back, too. Yeah. I mean, that's basically the re parenting of your self, right? Because it's probably more common now for people, let's say between the ages of, I would say maybe 40 to 60, that parents of those people in that generation really didn't focus a lot on this self-healing journey. They didn't really focus on a lot of these things.

00;18;23;11 - 00;18;49;04
Annette Dalloo
And so I know I heard from both of my parents, we were so young, we didn't know what we were doing. We didn't even know what love was. We didn't know anything, you know? So so it's like we we come into this world expecting something. I'm not sure what it is that we expect, what we expect our parents to, to have some semblance of knowledge about how the world works and how love works and how you know all of this.

00;18;49;07 - 00;19;12;00
Annette Dalloo
And as it turns out, oh, wow, that's not true. And they didn't know. And so because they were figuring it out as they went along, here I was. Or, you know, whoever we're talking about here, here is a child who is going, oh, okay, I don't know what's going on here, but I guess I'm going to tag along to what you're doing, even though it feels like it's maybe not quite what it should be doing, but okay, I'll do it anyway.

00;19;12;00 - 00;19;37;23
Annette Dalloo
You know, then when you're able to be, you know, an adults go through this healing journey and then be able to re parent yourself, you're able to then remove that attachment to needing your parents to be something other than what they are, right? Yeah. And what that does is it actually starts removing that big, big word of blame, like the blaming.

00;19;37;26 - 00;19;56;03
Annette Dalloo
Right. So and that's a really big thing in this, in this healing journey is where, where do you place the blame, you know, where is there a place is there a place for blame. Yeah. I mean, in your opinion, what what are you what are your thoughts about that. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. And my, my parents are the same way.

00;19;56;03 - 00;20;18;06
Annette Dalloo
My mum says we were just kids from the farm. We didn't know anything. But having said that, she made a point of doing a couple of things that she had either seen or experienced. She was not going to give us the silent treatment and she was not going to have favorites among her kids. And I love that, you know, and it doesn't mean there weren't other issues because of course they were.

00;20;18;11 - 00;20;41;07
Annette Dalloo
Sure. You know, of course, since I'm a parent, I get to, you know, have that kind of insight and I just feel like there is no way that 1 or 2 parents can give you a 100% of what you need 24, seven for 18 years. Absolutely no. No way. And then you think about how life enters the situation.

00;20;41;12 - 00;20;59;28
Annette Dalloo
They got to put food on the table. They got to keep a roof over your head. They might need to keep a job on the go, like there's poop happening. And then, you know, we all bring our own challenges to it. Maybe they had health challenges or mental health challenges, undiagnosed or, you know, I mean, it just goes on and on and on, right?

00;20;59;28 - 00;21;26;10
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. You know, even the people and the clients that I have that have had really, you know, difficult, difficult childhoods, I say to them, if you can just find one time that you knew your parent loved you, valued you, saw you, heard you, that you felt like you belonged. Just take that one time and it's okay. Maybe there was only one time and yes, that's awful.

00;21;26;10 - 00;21;45;08
Annette Dalloo
And feel the loss and the grief around that. Absolutely. But if there was one time, you know, that that feeling was there, maybe they didn't have the capacity to act on it more than just that one time. Maybe they had so much going on or the way they were raised was very lacking. Right? I mean, we learn from our own parents, you know.

00;21;45;08 - 00;22;03;27
Annette Dalloo
Right. But you can build on that feeling. You can say, you know what? I was wanted, I was cared for, I was loved, whatever that is. And now I, as a grown up because now I get to choose. Now I'm in control of the situation. I can build on that. I know I'm worthy. I know I'm loved. I know I'm valuable.

00;22;03;27 - 00;22;28;16
Annette Dalloo
My dog loves me. My dog thinks I'm the greatest thing, right? Or list off a few people that love you and you love you, you know, and then make it your practice to take care of that little inner kid, right? That did feel neglected or that didn't get what she needed or whatever it is. And you give it to yourself because so often, you know, we just mirror the way we were treated.

00;22;28;16 - 00;22;55;14
Annette Dalloo
And it's like, no, no, no, you get to do it different now. You get to heal those wounds by giving yourself what you need. And that includes acceptance, compassion, and real life practices of self-care and noticing what you need. Ask for what you need. All, all of that good stuff. Yeah, and that's one of the things that I think can break patterns of behavior in relationships as you get older, too.

00;22;55;14 - 00;23;17;28
Annette Dalloo
Because when people always say you date your mother or you date your father, or you date a combination of your parents, right? The reason why you do that is because of your wounding. Yeah, most of the time it's because you're looking for a quality that matches, let's say, a wound in one of the behaviors of your parents. Yeah.

00;23;17;29 - 00;23;43;00
Annette Dalloo
And you're looking for that wound to be healed in that other person. So then they can give you that love that you didn't feel you had with your parents, or they can give you that attention or whatever it happens to be. And so in order to stop doing that, because that's placing really unrealistic expectations on somebody else, of course you're expecting somebody else to change yours, expecting somebody else to do the work right.

00;23;43;02 - 00;24;04;28
Annette Dalloo
So as opposed to that, what you're talking about is turning it towards yourself and saying, you know what? Yeah, it's time for me to take responsibility for my wounds, for my own wounding, because it may not even be true. And that's the other thing, is that some of the wounds that we have as kids, it's just something that happened in a moment in time.

00;24;04;28 - 00;24;22;11
Annette Dalloo
So just as you were saying, think about that moment in time that your parent did love you, even if there was just one tiny moment. It can also happen in the inverse. Yes. Which is, you know, your parent loved you most of the time, but there was that one time that they ignored you. They were tired, they were unhealthy.

00;24;22;12 - 00;24;42;25
Annette Dalloo
Whatever it was. Yeah. And that one time that they ignored you, you created a story in your head of, oh, well, my dad doesn't love me because he didn't pay attention to my Lego tower that I was making, you know, like, it can be something so simple like that. And yet you hold on to it, you grab it, you hold on to it for the rest of your life.

00;24;43;00 - 00;25;09;07
Annette Dalloo
Right? Right. And it's insane that we operate this way. It's insane that that we will hold on to something that is, you know, in hindsight, relatively trivial. Right? And we create a whole story around our own worthiness based on that. Yeah. That's right. But I have to say to, you know, when we do, you know, go out with the same kind of person or carry some of those patterns into our adulthood, we're going with what's familiar.

00;25;09;08 - 00;25;43;18
Annette Dalloo
And that's why attachment theory can be so powerful, is because the way we attached in our family of origin is probably how we're going to do it when we're adults, unless we catch ourselves and decide that we want to do something different. And so then we're back into being able to control that situation. This is why intergenerational trauma and patterns are so handy to look at, is because families literally hand down the playbook of when X happens, you're going to do Y, you know, here's your response, here's what you're going to do.

00;25;43;18 - 00;26;13;23
Annette Dalloo
And this it's such a powerful way to say okay, that was going on. The buck stops here. Yeah. Not with my kids. I'm not doing that for myself. I'm going to choose to do it differently. They were doing the best they could. They can in a loop. But it ends here. And that's such a powerful place to. So that's a really good segue into talking a little bit about how you apply everything that you've learned for you specifically to your kids, to raising your kids.

00;26;13;23 - 00;26;38;11
Annette Dalloo
And this is something that we don't really talk about on this podcast very often, simply because I don't have children. So so it's not something that I have experience with. So I would love to hear your process and your take on how you apply this to raising your children, how you kind of catch yourself in those moments of maybe reverting back to patterns from your parents that sort of thing.

00;26;38;13 - 00;27;02;16
Annette Dalloo
Yeah, it's such a great area Annette, because there's nothing like having kids that will bring up your stuff. Oh I'm sure, I'm sure. Yeah. And so you know and, and my own things that have parenting has really brought to, to focus for me is I can be a bit of a control freak. I feel like there's a right answer.

00;27;02;16 - 00;27;26;00
Annette Dalloo
And if I just work my butt off and make that happen, everything will be okay. And so the idea of letting go of control and trusting and surrendering. Has been a lifelong work for me. And of course that comes up big time in parenting because I am responsible for these kids. And but I'm also an understanding that they're on their path and they're on their journey.

00;27;26;02 - 00;27;55;18
Annette Dalloo
And you know, working on how can I create a safe space for them to tell me what's going on with them and not just jump in and fix and save, but help build their awareness of what's going on? And again, the language. Right? Right, boys. And so I'm like, so is this frustration or is this anger do you think, you know, just trying to build that language and the labels for how they feel so that they can understand what they need.

00;27;55;18 - 00;28;12;24
Annette Dalloo
And, and I and I've gotten better at saying, so what do you think needs to happen here? And then how can I support you? I am here for you. Wow. It's you know, it's got to be support, right? They got it right. Because they've got to figure out how this is done. This is how we help our kids on their path.

00;28;12;24 - 00;28;30;16
Annette Dalloo
And it's so difficult because, you know, just a few years ago, you might have been in high maintenance mode with your kids doing all kinds of stuff, and you're going to have to constantly remind yourself to let go and let go. And no, no, they can do that now. No, that needs to be their responsibility now and on and on.

00;28;30;16 - 00;28;56;20
Annette Dalloo
So yeah, it's quite a journey. Yeah. And you know, it's funny because I think about how often you hear parents actually ask their children, what is it that you want or what is it that you are feeling right now, and do you want to be involved in this family decision? Do you want to take part in what we're doing right now, like and usually it is.

00;28;56;22 - 00;29;28;09
Annette Dalloo
I shouldn't say usually because there's a broad generalization, but the parenting template, as it's been sort of handed down to us, has been more of a you do as I say, just do what I do as I say, because I'm your parent. I'm your mother, I'm your father. You need to just do what I say. Right? And so the child has this lack of empowerment in that space to be able to cultivate who they really are, and in that creates the rebellion that creates all of those other things.

00;29;28;09 - 00;29;48;27
Annette Dalloo
Right? Yes. All of those breaking out of the control or breaking out of that energy of control. Yeah. How do you balance the managing, let's say, the the sort of control aspect of parenting because there I mean, there is an aspect of control that needs to be there, right? Otherwise your kids are going to be running amok everywhere.

00;29;49;00 - 00;30;18;05
Annette Dalloo
But like, how do you balance that, that control and then trying to do everything you need to do to make sure that you're feeling aligned with your process, with the potential of what your kids signed up to experience with you. Yes. No. Absolutely. Yeah. I want to touch on something you said there that the way we were raised, many of us, and the way our parents were raised was a very authoritarian model.

00;30;18;06 - 00;30;37;07
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. Plop down it was. I'm the boss. I know you just, you know, be quiet and get in line. And it wasn't just our parents. I mean, at school, you know, you messed up. You got detention, right? Yeah. George might have been along those lines as well. There was absolutely kinds of situations where where we might have dealt with that.

00;30;37;07 - 00;30;56;23
Annette Dalloo
Thankfully, so many parents are moving now is to a little bit more of a collaborative, less authoritarian model. You know, the real huge I had with parenting is that if I'm coming from a fear place, I am going to be the worst parent in the world. That's when I go, you gotta do this. You should be this.

00;30;56;23 - 00;31;17;22
Annette Dalloo
You know, all the stuff, right? But it's all me. It's all my stuff, you know? And so my job again, inside job is to get out of that fear place and try to get into a trusting place that, my kid is where they need to be. And I'm here to support and kind of direct, right? Right. My oldest son has ADHD and dyslexia.

00;31;17;22 - 00;31;35;06
Annette Dalloo
You know, I remember when he was in grade five, he had one of those teachers that, you know, your kid has, you know, these issues and needs to be fixed. And it may not have all been her. I think I was going into a shame and blame place, and I was just so upset and oh, how are we going to fix this?

00;31;35;06 - 00;31;53;28
Annette Dalloo
And how, you know, how are we going to address these issues? And actually looking back on it, I am grateful to her. She really pushed us in ways that, you know, I was way outside my comfort zone. But she did help us find some good solutions for him. But I was out on a walk one day, and I think I actually might have been listening to a podcast and got a download.

00;31;53;28 - 00;32;15;29
Annette Dalloo
Like I heard two sentences loud and clear that I really needed to hear. And it was, how do I know that this isn't my kid's purpose? How do I know that this isn't part of his path? Yeah, how do we know that he's not going to grow up and help other kids and their parents who have these exact challenges and be able to say not?

00;32;15;29 - 00;32;33;14
Annette Dalloo
I've read all the books, but I've been there, and I know what you're going through, and I know how hard it is. Right? Yeah. And then it was like. And so I try to catch myself when I'm in that fear place and I go back to trust. It's like, yeah, I don't know what his life is going to look like.

00;32;33;14 - 00;32;50;27
Annette Dalloo
And that's okay. It's his life. It's his life. But how can I help him? You know? And so we get into it with, you know, time management and, you know, learning the skills and learning the emotional awareness and the self-awareness and and all of that good stuff that I hope will stand him in good stead as he grows up.

00;32;50;28 - 00;33;34;28
Annette Dalloo
Right. Well, and I really do hope that as things progress with society, that eventually people understand that this way that we've been operating in terms of learning, it doesn't work. You can't make one way of learning work for 100% of the population. It just doesn't work. Not everybody's brains work that way, right. And so it's fascinating to me, and this is something that I want to sort of explore further, is because I have a lot of friends who have children, who have dyslexia and ADHD, a lot of friends, and it's becoming more and more common that that is something that people are having to to look at and being able to look at it from

00;33;34;28 - 00;33;59;15
Annette Dalloo
a different perspective, maybe looking at it as a gift, maybe looking at it as a strength, that maybe if you're not weighing it up against the 100%, only one way of learning model, then maybe this is a totally cool way of looking at the world, right? You know, it's the same thing with children who are on the spectrum or anything else.

00;33;59;15 - 00;34;26;13
Annette Dalloo
It's like there are so many things that I think are not addressed from a spiritual and energetic standpoint when it comes to children who have ADHD, who have autism, and that type of thing. It's like it can be something that empowers them and helps them move through the world. As long as they have guidance that is not constantly telling them there is something wrong with you, right?

00;34;26;15 - 00;34;48;27
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. I think we're finally making a shift of not believing that everybody needs to be the same or. Yeah, not that we should fake it right. That, you know, people with neurodivergent brains have superpowers in particular areas like we all do. I, I'm skilled in certain areas. You're skilled in certain, you know, and we probably think it's no big deal because it just comes so naturally to us.

00;34;48;27 - 00;35;13;29
Annette Dalloo
Right. But it's the same with the neurodivergent kids as well. Yeah, absolutely. When you talk to just people in general, some people have the ability to rattle off dates of history, like there's no tomorrow. They remember all of that. And like for me, I remember the names and places of certain designers and furniture and buildings and architects and things like that.

00;35;13;29 - 00;35;43;19
Annette Dalloo
But like, that might not be something that you remember, because that's not something you studied or that's not something that you were really interested in. Yeah. You know, to, to, to quantify intelligence or to quantify your experience by one matrix is. Yeah, it's, it's just completely unrealistic. Yeah. And I think that teaching kids to go, to feel the energy and feel the interest and go where that is, where's your potential taking you, where is your curiosity taking you?

00;35;43;21 - 00;36;03;02
Annette Dalloo
What do you for said in can be so powerful. And this goes back to the authoritarian parent thing. You know, the stick was used so much you have to do this, that and the other thing. And if you don't, the great skill to have in parenting is can you find the carrot right. And use punishment is a last, last, last resort.

00;36;03;03 - 00;36;29;16
Annette Dalloo
How can you get the kid to say, yeah, I want to do that, or it feels good when I do this, or I love it when I can check it off the list. You know, depending on how your kid thinks and how they are with routines and tasks and that kind of thing. Right? So you can be supporting your kid and finding out what those passions are for them and they can find their own path, regardless of how their brain happens to work or how they happen to operate in the world.

00;36;29;18 - 00;36;56;29
Annette Dalloo
Absolutely. And then on top of it, they don't have to rail against anything. So, I mean, I remember when I decided to go to art school, now, this is no surprise. I had wanted to be a designer since I was five, so my parents knew that I was a creative person. They knew I was going to design school, but when when I actually did go, I remember my father saying something to me, something to the effect of, well, I hope you're ready to be a starving artist, you know?

00;36;56;29 - 00;37;21;23
Annette Dalloo
And I'm like, why? Why does that have to be the case? And it absolutely was not the case when I graduated college. I got a really good job, and I had a really good job until I started my own business. And, you know, so like, that was never my story. But, you know, it's like when you have your parents, like, place their story or their, biases upon you, you feel like you have to sort of break out of that and you feel like you have to fight against it.

00;37;21;23 - 00;37;56;10
Annette Dalloo
Right? And so what you're talking about allows kids to be able to open up more, which is so, so beautiful, especially in the space of exploring their spiritual gifts. So from that perspective, what kind of advice would you give parents who are raising children, who are sensitive, who are sort of opening up their spiritual gifts already, who I actually know quite a few of my friends who have kids who are who are literally they're like sensing energies and they're sensing, you know, things when they walk into a room and they're like, oh, I don't want to go in there, you know?

00;37;56;10 - 00;38;24;02
Annette Dalloo
And it's not just like, you know, little childhood fears. It's it's, you know, they're really developing their gifts. So what is the advice you would give to these parents who are, who are trying to navigate that. Well going back again to helping them find the language. And then also you know getting discerning about that energy too, you know if we can all relate, I was definitely that kid who was sensitive and empathic and took everybody's stuff on.

00;38;24;05 - 00;38;48;02
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. And they intended to get into people pleasing sort of patterns because I wanted to stop feeling that way. You know, if mum would stop feeling overwhelmed, I can stop feeling freaked out right. And so and so I think, helping kids make that discernment of that's their energy. This is mine can be really powerful. And along those lines, you know, helping them stay grounded and centered is so key.

00;38;48;02 - 00;39;11;15
Annette Dalloo
And so modeling practices for the for the child or inviting them in, you know, let's listen to this guided meditation. How did that feel for you? Or maybe doing some simple tapping or some breathwork? I mean, there's a zillion practices and hopefully the parent is utilizing a few of them and can share them with the child or if they're, you know, taking on a lot of energy when they go out.

00;39;11;18 - 00;39;41;08
Annette Dalloo
Let's get into the habit of zipping up our little bubble of protection before we leave the door every morning to go to school, you know, whatever that is, so that they're learning the language of where's my energy at? And what can I do to get back into balance, right, right. So when it comes to the language that you're sort of using to then help the child through it, it's one thing if they sort of know what they're feeling, but what if they don't know what they're feeling?

00;39;41;08 - 00;40;02;11
Annette Dalloo
What if they don't? What if they don't know what this is exactly? And you kind of know, like your intuition is saying to you, I think they're opening up their gifts or I think they're, they're starting to sense things that they're not understanding. How would you broach that subject in and what language would you use that's appropriate for children to talk about that?

00;40;02;13 - 00;40;26;16
Annette Dalloo
Yeah, right. Well, yeah. I mean, keeping it simple, keeping it playful, keeping it light. But you know, the thing that I always drive home with parents when I talk to them is that no one is an expert on your kid. That way. You are, you know, your kid. You've known them since day one, right? Yeah. And so and especially if you're getting some intuitive things about what's going on here, you know, how to play this out.

00;40;26;16 - 00;40;43;26
Annette Dalloo
And this isn't going to be the last opportunity you have to talk to your child about it. Maybe it's not today. Maybe it's when they, you know, notice it again or when they're a little more grown up or whatever it is. You know, we're always taught that we got to listen to the experts, you know, but you're the expert, right?

00;40;43;26 - 00;41;05;19
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. And, you know, parenting, I know this will come to some surprise. Parenting is tough. Because. Yeah, but, you know, a couple of the things that make it so tough is that you never really seem to find your footing. You get one phase figured out, and they're on to the next phase, you know? Right. Or you have one kid and you think, yeah, I got this figured out.

00;41;05;22 - 00;41;26;15
Annette Dalloo
And then the second kid is completely different, right? I mean, we literally say completely opposite things to both of our kids because one is a perfectionist who will spend a day and a half doing a task. And the other one is, good enough. And so we, oh, we get good advice. You know what done is good enough.

00;41;26;16 - 00;41;48;10
Annette Dalloo
You know, let's watch the perfectionism. Right. And the other one is like, well, it's been ten more minutes checking the work. You'll probably get a better grade, right. Anyways. So yeah, it's like recognizing that it's hard and you always feel uncertain and you're never 100% sure, but you're probably the most knowledgeable person in the room. So go with your gut.

00;41;48;13 - 00;42;14;12
Annette Dalloo
Right? So this is sort of to tag on to that a little bit. This is taking it just a tiny bit further. What would you say to a parent that let's say comes to you and says you know, we went to the doctor, they want to put my child on meds. I don't necessarily think it's a good idea because I think they're just overly sensitive, or I think that they're just feeling their emotions or they're really opening up their their psychic gifts or whatever it happens to be.

00;42;14;14 - 00;42;35;22
Annette Dalloo
What would be your advice for them if they're asking you that? Yeah. Yeah. Well, to me, you know, and having had a kid or I still have him who has ADHD and dyslexia, but I mean, going through the whole public school thing. And yeah, for me, you know, the teachers were always pushing medication and we tried absolutely everything before going that road.

00;42;35;22 - 00;43;07;05
Annette Dalloo
And then we did three different trials, and we didn't just throw them on the first one and keep them there. It's like, no, no, no, no. You know this this isn't working. This isn't our kid anymore, you know? Right. But for me, it was is this situation affecting his self-esteem or how he sees himself as a person? Because if he starts feeling like, oh, you know, I can't do all the stuff the other kids do or whatever and starts feeling bad, then to me, that's that's a serious core issue that we've got to address.

00;43;07;08 - 00;43;30;23
Annette Dalloo
Right? But if they're feeling okay, what problem or fixing here? Are we just making a doctor happy like, you know, we we got to do what's right for the child. And and if there's no serious impact or nothing getting in the way, you can always change your mind next month or next year or whatever. I keep, you know, working it from all angles and, and figure that out for my son.

00;43;30;23 - 00;43;51;08
Annette Dalloo
It was the third med trial that we tried for him. And I'm not pro or against medication. Let me just say you got to do what's right for your child. But I had not actually been able to have a conversation with this kid because he would say something. And when I said something back, I'd lose him. You know, his attention would go somewhere else.

00;43;51;08 - 00;44;15;13
Annette Dalloo
And so when the medication kicked in, because we were on a long term one, he was able to answer me back. And it was the most amazing experience ever. And you could argue that that was all about me, but I do think it was also about how he was able to be in the world. So that was huge, because then that helped him in school and with kids and how he operated in the world.

00;44;15;13 - 00;44;40;02
Annette Dalloo
So to me, that was worth it because that was a payoff that I think really benefited him. But if you know there's nothing that needs to be fixed, then then maybe nothing needs to be done. If childhood is long, right? Yeah. You got to jump on things today or tomorrow. You know, you can always do more research or figure out more things or say, I'm going to, you know, parking like that for a month and and see how it goes.

00;44;40;10 - 00;44;59;18
Annette Dalloo
Yeah, absolutely. And then, you know, also you can work with the, the gifts that the child has as well and, and sort of see where those are going. And you know, if, let's say the medication cuts off those gifts, the beautiful part of those gifts, then you can know, okay, well, maybe, maybe that's not the right one. Yeah.

00;44;59;23 - 00;45;25;29
Annette Dalloo
I absolutely, in my brief experience with friends who have kids who have ADHD and I had, a really good friend in Chicago who did as well that it's also not a lifelong solution. Like it changes. So as you get older, as your body chemistry changes, as you're everything changes. So it's like, you know, whatever protocols or medications or whatever it is you're on are working for you at that moment.

00;45;26;06 - 00;45;44;00
Annette Dalloo
In ten years, it might be completely different. Yeah. So if someone had told me when my son was small that there would be a time and it was around 1011, that he wouldn't be so active, it was like he was motorized, I would have said, no, I don't believe you. This is never going to change. And it did.

00;45;44;08 - 00;46;09;29
Annette Dalloo
Like who knew? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's incredible. Okay, so you do all of this beautiful coaching helping people on their self-healing journeys. So if somebody wants to book a session with you, how do they go about doing that? Yeah. Jump into my website and click book. Book an appointment and set up some time with me. Beautiful. So now do you work with couples, families or just individuals?

00;46;10;01 - 00;46;29;15
Annette Dalloo
All of the above. Okay, wonderful. You can also reach Callie on TikTok. Well, you can see her videos. She makes absolutely incredible videos on TikTok. I love watching all of your videos. I really, really do. It's like, I just like every time I see one, I'm like, oh, that's really good. Oh, I like that little nugget. Oh, that's really awesome.

00;46;29;15 - 00;46;57;10
Annette Dalloo
Yeah. So you can go and follow Callie on TikTok at Callie. Seriously, up and to the right, up and to tag rig. What we can do is we will put all of this information in the show notes, so you don't have to worry about spelling that out if you want to, just click on the link below. It'll be either in the YouTube video or in the show notes.

00;46;57;10 - 00;47;17;18
Annette Dalloo
You'll be able to reach Callie that way. Thank you so much for joining me today. This has been such an incredible conversation because loving the healing journey and then taking it into so many different levels and places that you can take it and the work that you're doing is so beautiful. And thank you for doing it. Thank you so much for that.

00;47;17;18 - 00;47;45;14
Annette Dalloo
This has been a great conversation. Thanks. Have an amazing day and never stop exploring your soul because it is the most important relationship you will ever have. If you are interested in learning more about me and the sessions, then I do feel free to go to my website at Infinite Soul love.com on all social media, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube at infinite.

00;47;45;14 - 00;48;02;06
Annette Dalloo
So love 1111 hey, and if you feel called, I would love it if you could rate the heart of you on whatever streaming service you're using, whether it's Apple Podcasts or Spotify, please take a moment. Give it a review. It really does help the channel. Thanks so much.